Today while talking with whom I've always called my "Mr. Spock," he told me that I taught him about relationships. He said that when he met me he was buried in his work, didn’t believe in relationships and felt that people developed partnerships that served their purposes. At first I was taken aback. Then I started thinking “Is this a Mr. Spock thing, a man thing or am I truly that naïve?”
As a young child, I guess I did choose my friends by the need for someone with whom I could play. Later it was based on common interests. Hum, I’m thinking maybe I need to explore this a little deeper. I’ve never really thought about it – for those I truly consider friends are those for whom I sincerely care. Everyone else falls into the category of “acquaintances” or co-workers.
He told me that the young ladies whom he had dated had just affirmed his beliefs that you gravitated toward those whom would serve a purpose in your “game plan.” Well, I sure as heck know many males get involved with females for strictly pleasurable, physical purposes. I’ve been aware of that since I was 15 and had to learn how to protect “my virtue” against hormonal boys. And damned if even at my age, I’m not still having to determine if a man’s interest is in truly establishing a relationship or just wanting a “friend with benefits” – which I have NEVER prescribed to that ideology. But I digress.
My “boyfriend” relationships have never been based on what I needed but what I felt for the person. Looking back now, before Mr. Spock, I know that I was selfish in those relationships as I wanted to make sure that the person fulfilled my emotional needs, which included securing some type of commitment (going steady, getting engaged, living together, etc.). I guess when there is almost half a continent between you, regardless of how often you see one another, it changes things.
When I first met this young man, I guess I enjoyed the attention but it was more a matter of exchanging ideas and beliefs. He was from a different culture and religion. We developed a friendship based on mutual respect and flirtatious banter. Now Mr. Spock told me up front that there could never be any type of permanent long term relationship between us because of his cultural obligations. Whereas, that may have just been a “line,” as a couple of people have adamantly proclaimed, but to this day, I still believe what he told me. In the beginning I kept two things in mind. First, I would guard my heart and not fall in love with this guy. And my hopeless romantic side was convinced that love can overcome any obstacle. I was wrong on both counts.
If he actually did learn about relationships from me, that’s wonderful for I have to admit I learned about unconditional love (for someone to whom you are not related) from him. After all, you have unconditional love for your children, grandchildren, parents, grandparents, siblings, etc. Since I did believe his “duty bound” proclamation, when things became very serious between us, I didn’t beg him to forgo his duties and stay with me, regardless of how badly I wanted to do just that. Funny, I would have given up everything for him. Did he know that? I don’t know – but I didn’t ask him to give anything up for me.
Have I cared about others since him? Absolutely! Have I kept myself from “falling as hard” for someone else as I did him? I don’t know. Maybe it’s just that he set the bar so high, no one else can reach it.
SLG
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