Sylphandra's World

The End or the Beginning?

Shakespeare so eloquently wrote,
"The sun for sorrow would not show its head"
It rained yesterday.... a steady downpour of raindrops outside;
inside a steady flow of tears.
The skies wept with me.
The thunder echoed the violent pain that tears me apart.
Your vicious goodbye was so abrupt and unfounded
I felt as though a part of me with died with your parting.
Your love seems to have disappeared
.....into the mists of the morning fog.
The tears make trails of dampness
as they slowly travel from my red, swollen eyes...
down my face to finally drop silently, but with such finality.
The fact is that I was never good enough
I always felt that I didn't deserve someone like you.
You treat me as if I'm of depraved character.
Yes, I am guilty of several wrongs,
but not the accusations with which you crucified me
...of those things, I am innocent.
I loved you with a pure heart.
I gave my love totally and unconditionally,
never considering the inevitable pain
we both knew I would eventually experience anyway.
I honestly thought that you returned my love,
you almost had me convinced.
I have always been true to myself, true to my ideas,
...and I have followed my heart.
Whereas, you on the other hand chose duty over truth
and blindness over enlightenment.
Though for a short time, I actually fooled myself into believing that...
maybe....just maybe....but alas,
my hopes have been dashed, our relationship torn apart.
My heart and my soul, forever scarred...
by pain and your condemnation.
Just remember, that regardless of how you feel for me
How you despise or curse me...
I gave you my heart, and my love...
First as a friend, then as my love...
though now I know these things are meaningless to you,
and the reality of that is difficult to face
I am not sure I can face it...
for you will forever have possession of my heart and my soul.
And I am now empty...
Without you, I have nothing
....I am nothing.

©Copyright 2000
SLG
All rights reserved. No further use,
reproduction, or distribution in any form,
including print, electronic or otherwise, may bemade without the express permission of the author

Forever Yours

Forgive me,
but I want to cherish
each moment I have left with you
every look, each touch,
every caress, each breath, every moment.
I don’t want to dwell on the pain,
the inevitabilities.
I want what time I have left with you to be happy.
If that means being in denial –
then let me be in denial,
my subconscious knows --
at times breaking through
bringing the tears and t
he gut-wrenching pain to the surface.
Oh, just please, let me pretend,
if just for a little while
that everything is good –
everything is as it should be
chasing the knowledge that
I’ve lost you into hiding..
It won’t change anything,
of that I’m well aware
and it won’t make anything
easier at the true end,
it will but postpone the t
otal devastation for a while
--the devastation of my heart
and of my soul.
Never think my love for you
was a mistake –
I have no regrets,
will never have regrets, ah
but one – that regardless
of the depth and strength
of my love and devotion,
my love was not enough.
And I hope you never l
ook back with regret,
even though one day
I feel you’ll realize what’s lost,
the rare and precious
love I offered, unconditionally
I gave to you that part of me
I’d never offered to anyone
that part of me can’t be returned,
nor offered to another.
You see, with that part,
you actually have all of me,

you still have all of me – and will – forever.

©Copyright 2007
SLG
All rights reserved. No further use,
reproduction, or distribution in any form,
including print, electronic or otherwise, may bemade without the express permission of the author

Essential

Can you not understand
how essential you are to me,
to my life
The need is greater than
any I have ever experienced
The need for water or food
cannot even compare
The need for air,
that vital element for survival
That’s what you are to me,
vital, crucial, critical..
When I see you,
or think about you,
I feel as I did when I thought about
Christmas as a child,
Easter, birthdays, running through
a field of flowers in the spring, barefooted;
Wading in the edge of the lake,
with pants rolled up to my knees,
knowing it was forbidden
Running through the woods, full-speed.
As a child, there was no fear
But with these feelings,
sometimes fear does sneak in
Uninvited, unwanted, and
I try desperately to push it away
Sometimes I succeed, sometimes not
Just as one who feels
they will might suffocate
Without that vital element, air
You are that vital element in my life,
As one deprived of air,

I could not survive without you.

©Copyright 2006
SLG
All rights reserved. No further use,
reproduction, or distribution in any form,
including print, electronic or otherwise, may bemade without the express permission of the author

My Soul

MY SOUL

When you look into my eyes,
I know that you can’t help but see
my love for you reflected there.
But can you not see the pureness, the depth,
breadth, or intensity of my love for you?

Occasionally you look into my eyes,
you can see pain, that sears my soul,
pain so overwhelming so all-consuming.
Pain caused by your doubts and suspicions,
About my integrity, my honesty, my love for you.

If you could but see into my heart,
You would see that my heart is pure.
And if you looked closely, you would realize
It is so full of love for you,
There is no room for anyone but you.

If you could but see into my soul
You would see, without you, my soul is not whole.
Without you – it was but half - empty, incomplete.
You would find assurance, and truth, for you posses
the missing portion of my heart and my soul.

©Copyright 2006
SLG
All rights reserved. No further use,
reproduction, or distribution in any form,
including print, electronic or otherwise, may bemade without the express permission of the author

Deep WIthin

His plans and dreams are unfulfilled,
he says I’m not what he needs.
He feels the need to be on his way
and I vow I’ll not beg or plead.

He said he’ll give “us” one more try
and acts like things are fine
But I know down deep within my heart
he’s only marking time.

He has to know that I’m aware
he doesn’t plan to stay
Action speak louder than words
so he doesn’t have to say

I try not to let him see the tears,
the pain and the despair.
I try to stay upbeat and cheerful
and act like he still cares.

I show him love and affection,
and steal kisses when I can.
But sometimes his cool demeanor
is more than I can stand.

I listen to his comments closely
looking for any sign or clue
For I want to be prepared the day
he finally says we’re through

Until that day, I’ll try not to dwell
on all my pain and fears
I’ll show him all the love and support
and he’ll not see any tears.

I hope one day he’ll look back
with warm thoughts and a smile,
for the total and unconditional love
that I gave him for a while.

Your Eternally

I dreamt of you last night,
While deep in sweet repose
I felt the warmth of your embrace,
the sweetness of your lips upon mine,
the passion only you can ignite.
We made sweet, passionate love
the type of love that only those,
who have known total,
unconditional love can achieve.
Again, for a short time, we were one,
one spirit, one heart, one soul.
As you faded from my dream,
you whispered “One day.”
So I await that day, when once again,
we will be reunited as one.
Whether it be in this life time
Or the next, I will wait for you.
Yours eternally,
SLG

Your Eyes

Sitting here in the quiet
of the morning hours,
while the rest of the world sleeps,
I occasionally glance at your picture,
and think about time spent with you.
Feelings of warmth, and yes,
sometimes feelings of desire
accompany those thoughts.
I've always heard if you look deeply
into a person's eyes you can sometimes
see into the other's soul.
And sometimes you can read emotions.....
feelings in a person's eyes.
My eyes are that way.....
love, devotion, desire, hurt,
disappointment, and anger
are always evident in my eyes.
But not in yours.
The only glimpses I've gained
to your soul, thoughts, and emotions
are contained in your writings.
I've searched your eyes for clues
and weighed your words carefully.
Sometimes I can see gentleness.....
sometimes desire in your eyes....
but all else is closed to me.
I'm still in the dark.
Sometimes I long to ask,
"Please shed some light."
Yet at the same time,
I'm not sure I wish for everything to be illuminated....
so I will continue to search your beautiful eyes
and remain in the dark
with occasional flashes of light.
And maybe one day
you'll share your "inner self" with me.....
and maybe not.