Men are from Mars

I get this e-mail from time to time which states, “You may be only one person in this world, but you may be the world to one person.” Generally, I forward it, thinking yes, that’s so true. Yeah right. Now if you’re a man, this may be true. Some stupid woman has fallen in love with you – sometimes rarely, a woman might feel what I call “unconditional love” for you. Besides what I have always felt for my children, there has been twice in my adult life I could honestly say that someone was my whole world. BIG MISTAKE!!! You see ladies, when we fall for a man; most of us place him as the “center” of our universe (there is of course, the multitude of women out there that feel they are the center of the entire universe – and for them, there is no room for someone else). In all facets of our life, before we make any decision, his thoughts, feelings, reactions, well-being, etc. are considered, and then we make our decision.

Guess what ladies, men are wired differently. When a man “falls” for a woman, she becomes a facet of his life. Yep that’s right ladies, just another facet – like in a diamond, the more facets, the brighter it shines. No, I’m not saying that he has all these other ladies in his life; it’s things like work, sports, hobbies, friends, and a wealth of other interests that make up his life. We’re just one piece – one facet, sometimes we’re one of the smaller facets around the top and sometimes we’re one of the larger facets which make up the “base” of his life, which help add more of the brilliance or “shine” to his life.

Women have other interests in their lives also, but when a man becomes the center of her universe, those other interests are like “moons” orbiting the planet, or the planets orbiting the sun. Those interest help us maintain a healthy, well-rounded life, but without the “planet” or “sun” there is nothing, the interests, like planets which no longer feel the gravitational pull of the sun, or the moons that depend on the planet for the path of their orbit, spins wildly into space and the universe collapses into itself.

So now, my dilemma; do I try to fashion my way of thinking, of feeling, or loving, more like that of a male and give up being able to give and feel that unconditional love? Oh, I’ve heard so many people say that they have given unconditional love, but it is so rare, most people have no concept of what it truly is. See humans have this built-in survival mechanism that prevents them from giving unconditional love. And considering that men don’t place women at the center of their universe, that means it would be the very rare man that would even have the possibility of experiencing unconditional love – giving it, not receiving it. When you give unconditional love you open yourself up to the possibility of total devastation, with no regard for self-preservation. You are willing to give up almost anything and everything for that person and their happiness. Pretty stupid, huh?

My first experience with unconditional love almost destroyed me. The end of that relationship was not a result of our feelings for each other. It was not anything I did wrong or anything he did wrong it was something beyond our control (or so I have constantly told myself, and I honestly believe it) so my self-esteem was still intact. Would I go back and do things differently – absolutely not, for it revealed to me what is possible. How two people can relate to each other and communicate with each other on many levels that surpass the physical and emotional, and even spiritual level. At times the two people do become one entity. To many that might sound crazy, but it is the most amazing feeling a human can experience – at least while earth-bound.

My second choice of whom to bestow my special gift of unconditional love was not so wise. He would think I was insane if I even tried to express these ideas or feelings to him. As the relationship started to dissolve, I tried every way I knew to try to mend things. I read research and read voraciously for solutions; what I needed to do; what we needed to do to “fix-things.” And I found some solutions, things that could be done to make a relationship, even one that seems shattered, whole again. But he was not interested, said he doesn’t think a solution can be found by reading a couple of chapters in a book. Tell that to a mathematician or a scientist. I felt like saying, well, if someone you loved was dying, wouldn’t you try whatever you thought might help to prevent their death? No, this wasn’t not a matter of life or death of a human being, it was just the collapse of my universe.

So unlike the first time, not only did my universe collapse, but my “self” was destroyed in the process. So back to my dilemma; do I learn to love like a male? Do I build these walls around my heart to make sure that no man again becomes the center of my universe, keep them relegated or consigned to being only another facet of my life?