I get this e-mail from time to time which states, “You may be only one person in this world, but you may be the world to one person.” Generally, I forward it, thinking yes, that’s so true. Yeah right. Now if you’re a man, this may be true. Some stupid woman has fallen in love with you – sometimes rarely, a woman might feel what I call “unconditional love” for you. Besides what I have always felt for my children, there has been twice in my adult life I could honestly say that someone was my whole world. BIG MISTAKE!!! You see ladies, when we fall for a man; most of us place him as the “center” of our universe (there is of course, the multitude of women out there that feel they are the center of the entire universe – and for them, there is no room for someone else). In all facets of our life, before we make any decision, his thoughts, feelings, reactions, well-being, etc. are considered, and then we make our decision.
Guess what ladies, men are wired differently. When a man “falls” for a woman, she becomes a facet of his life. Yep that’s right ladies, just another facet – like in a diamond, the more facets, the brighter it shines. No, I’m not saying that he has all these other ladies in his life; it’s things like work, sports, hobbies, friends, and a wealth of other interests that make up his life. We’re just one piece – one facet, sometimes we’re one of the smaller facets around the top and sometimes we’re one of the larger facets which make up the “base” of his life, which help add more of the brilliance or “shine” to his life.
Women have other interests in their lives also, but when a man becomes the center of her universe, those other interests are like “moons” orbiting the planet, or the planets orbiting the sun. Those interest help us maintain a healthy, well-rounded life, but without the “planet” or “sun” there is nothing, the interests, like planets which no longer feel the gravitational pull of the sun, or the moons that depend on the planet for the path of their orbit, spins wildly into space and the universe collapses into itself.
So now, my dilemma; do I try to fashion my way of thinking, of feeling, or loving, more like that of a male and give up being able to give and feel that unconditional love? Oh, I’ve heard so many people say that they have given unconditional love, but it is so rare, most people have no concept of what it truly is. See humans have this built-in survival mechanism that prevents them from giving unconditional love. And considering that men don’t place women at the center of their universe, that means it would be the very rare man that would even have the possibility of experiencing unconditional love – giving it, not receiving it. When you give unconditional love you open yourself up to the possibility of total devastation, with no regard for self-preservation. You are willing to give up almost anything and everything for that person and their happiness. Pretty stupid, huh?
My first experience with unconditional love almost destroyed me. The end of that relationship was not a result of our feelings for each other. It was not anything I did wrong or anything he did wrong it was something beyond our control (or so I have constantly told myself, and I honestly believe it) so my self-esteem was still intact. Would I go back and do things differently – absolutely not, for it revealed to me what is possible. How two people can relate to each other and communicate with each other on many levels that surpass the physical and emotional, and even spiritual level. At times the two people do become one entity. To many that might sound crazy, but it is the most amazing feeling a human can experience – at least while earth-bound.
My second choice of whom to bestow my special gift of unconditional love was not so wise. He would think I was insane if I even tried to express these ideas or feelings to him. As the relationship started to dissolve, I tried every way I knew to try to mend things. I read research and read voraciously for solutions; what I needed to do; what we needed to do to “fix-things.” And I found some solutions, things that could be done to make a relationship, even one that seems shattered, whole again. But he was not interested, said he doesn’t think a solution can be found by reading a couple of chapters in a book. Tell that to a mathematician or a scientist. I felt like saying, well, if someone you loved was dying, wouldn’t you try whatever you thought might help to prevent their death? No, this wasn’t not a matter of life or death of a human being, it was just the collapse of my universe.
So unlike the first time, not only did my universe collapse, but my “self” was destroyed in the process. So back to my dilemma; do I learn to love like a male? Do I build these walls around my heart to make sure that no man again becomes the center of my universe, keep them relegated or consigned to being only another facet of my life?
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Sunday, April 6, 2008
The End or the Beginning?
Shakespeare so eloquently wrote,
"The sun for sorrow would not show its head"
It rained yesterday.... a steady downpour of raindrops outside;
inside a steady flow of tears.
The skies wept with me.
The thunder echoed the violent pain that tears me apart.
Your vicious goodbye was so abrupt and unfounded
I felt as though a part of me with died with your parting.
Your love seems to have disappeared
.....into the mists of the morning fog.
The tears make trails of dampness
as they slowly travel from my red, swollen eyes...
down my face to finally drop silently, but with such finality.
The fact is that I was never good enough
I always felt that I didn't deserve someone like you.
You treat me as if I'm of depraved character.
Yes, I am guilty of several wrongs,
but not the accusations with which you crucified me
...of those things, I am innocent.
I loved you with a pure heart.
I gave my love totally and unconditionally,
never considering the inevitable pain
we both knew I would eventually experience anyway.
I honestly thought that you returned my love,
you almost had me convinced.
I have always been true to myself, true to my ideas,
...and I have followed my heart.
Whereas, you on the other hand chose duty over truth
and blindness over enlightenment.
Though for a short time, I actually fooled myself into believing that...
maybe....just maybe....but alas,
my hopes have been dashed, our relationship torn apart.
My heart and my soul, forever scarred...
by pain and your condemnation.
Just remember, that regardless of how you feel for me
How you despise or curse me...
I gave you my heart, and my love...
First as a friend, then as my love...
though now I know these things are meaningless to you,
and the reality of that is difficult to face
I am not sure I can face it...
for you will forever have possession of my heart and my soul.
And I am now empty...
Without you, I have nothing
....I am nothing.
"The sun for sorrow would not show its head"
It rained yesterday.... a steady downpour of raindrops outside;
inside a steady flow of tears.
The skies wept with me.
The thunder echoed the violent pain that tears me apart.
Your vicious goodbye was so abrupt and unfounded
I felt as though a part of me with died with your parting.
Your love seems to have disappeared
.....into the mists of the morning fog.
The tears make trails of dampness
as they slowly travel from my red, swollen eyes...
down my face to finally drop silently, but with such finality.
The fact is that I was never good enough
I always felt that I didn't deserve someone like you.
You treat me as if I'm of depraved character.
Yes, I am guilty of several wrongs,
but not the accusations with which you crucified me
...of those things, I am innocent.
I loved you with a pure heart.
I gave my love totally and unconditionally,
never considering the inevitable pain
we both knew I would eventually experience anyway.
I honestly thought that you returned my love,
you almost had me convinced.
I have always been true to myself, true to my ideas,
...and I have followed my heart.
Whereas, you on the other hand chose duty over truth
and blindness over enlightenment.
Though for a short time, I actually fooled myself into believing that...
maybe....just maybe....but alas,
my hopes have been dashed, our relationship torn apart.
My heart and my soul, forever scarred...
by pain and your condemnation.
Just remember, that regardless of how you feel for me
How you despise or curse me...
I gave you my heart, and my love...
First as a friend, then as my love...
though now I know these things are meaningless to you,
and the reality of that is difficult to face
I am not sure I can face it...
for you will forever have possession of my heart and my soul.
And I am now empty...
Without you, I have nothing
....I am nothing.
©Copyright 2000
SLG
All rights reserved. No further use,
reproduction, or distribution in any form,
including print, electronic or otherwise, may bemade without the express permission of the author
SLG
All rights reserved. No further use,
reproduction, or distribution in any form,
including print, electronic or otherwise, may bemade without the express permission of the author
Forever Yours
Forgive me,
but I want to cherish
each moment I have left with you
every look, each touch,
every caress, each breath, every moment.
I don’t want to dwell on the pain,
the inevitabilities.
I want what time I have left with you to be happy.
If that means being in denial –
then let me be in denial,
my subconscious knows --
at times breaking through
bringing the tears and t
he gut-wrenching pain to the surface.
Oh, just please, let me pretend,
if just for a little while
that everything is good –
everything is as it should be
chasing the knowledge that
I’ve lost you into hiding..
It won’t change anything,
of that I’m well aware
and it won’t make anything
easier at the true end,
it will but postpone the t
otal devastation for a while
--the devastation of my heart
and of my soul.
Never think my love for you
was a mistake –
I have no regrets,
will never have regrets, ah
but one – that regardless
of the depth and strength
of my love and devotion,
my love was not enough.
And I hope you never l
ook back with regret,
even though one day
I feel you’ll realize what’s lost,
the rare and precious
love I offered, unconditionally
I gave to you that part of me
I’d never offered to anyone
that part of me can’t be returned,
nor offered to another.
You see, with that part,
you actually have all of me,
but I want to cherish
each moment I have left with you
every look, each touch,
every caress, each breath, every moment.
I don’t want to dwell on the pain,
the inevitabilities.
I want what time I have left with you to be happy.
If that means being in denial –
then let me be in denial,
my subconscious knows --
at times breaking through
bringing the tears and t
he gut-wrenching pain to the surface.
Oh, just please, let me pretend,
if just for a little while
that everything is good –
everything is as it should be
chasing the knowledge that
I’ve lost you into hiding..
It won’t change anything,
of that I’m well aware
and it won’t make anything
easier at the true end,
it will but postpone the t
otal devastation for a while
--the devastation of my heart
and of my soul.
Never think my love for you
was a mistake –
I have no regrets,
will never have regrets, ah
but one – that regardless
of the depth and strength
of my love and devotion,
my love was not enough.
And I hope you never l
ook back with regret,
even though one day
I feel you’ll realize what’s lost,
the rare and precious
love I offered, unconditionally
I gave to you that part of me
I’d never offered to anyone
that part of me can’t be returned,
nor offered to another.
You see, with that part,
you actually have all of me,
you still have all of me – and will – forever.
©Copyright 2007
SLG
All rights reserved. No further use,
reproduction, or distribution in any form,
including print, electronic or otherwise, may bemade without the express permission of the author
SLG
All rights reserved. No further use,
reproduction, or distribution in any form,
including print, electronic or otherwise, may bemade without the express permission of the author
Essential
Can you not understand
how essential you are to me,
to my life
The need is greater than
any I have ever experienced
The need for water or food
cannot even compare
The need for air,
that vital element for survival
That’s what you are to me,
vital, crucial, critical..
When I see you,
or think about you,
I feel as I did when I thought about
Christmas as a child,
Easter, birthdays, running through
a field of flowers in the spring, barefooted;
Wading in the edge of the lake,
with pants rolled up to my knees,
knowing it was forbidden
Running through the woods, full-speed.
As a child, there was no fear
But with these feelings,
sometimes fear does sneak in
Uninvited, unwanted, and
I try desperately to push it away
Sometimes I succeed, sometimes not
Just as one who feels
they will might suffocate
Without that vital element, air
You are that vital element in my life,
As one deprived of air,
how essential you are to me,
to my life
The need is greater than
any I have ever experienced
The need for water or food
cannot even compare
The need for air,
that vital element for survival
That’s what you are to me,
vital, crucial, critical..
When I see you,
or think about you,
I feel as I did when I thought about
Christmas as a child,
Easter, birthdays, running through
a field of flowers in the spring, barefooted;
Wading in the edge of the lake,
with pants rolled up to my knees,
knowing it was forbidden
Running through the woods, full-speed.
As a child, there was no fear
But with these feelings,
sometimes fear does sneak in
Uninvited, unwanted, and
I try desperately to push it away
Sometimes I succeed, sometimes not
Just as one who feels
they will might suffocate
Without that vital element, air
You are that vital element in my life,
As one deprived of air,
I could not survive without you.
©Copyright 2006
SLG
All rights reserved. No further use,
reproduction, or distribution in any form,
including print, electronic or otherwise, may bemade without the express permission of the author
SLG
All rights reserved. No further use,
reproduction, or distribution in any form,
including print, electronic or otherwise, may bemade without the express permission of the author
My Soul
MY SOUL
When you look into my eyes,
I know that you can’t help but see
my love for you reflected there.
But can you not see the pureness, the depth,
breadth, or intensity of my love for you?
Occasionally you look into my eyes,
you can see pain, that sears my soul,
pain so overwhelming so all-consuming.
Pain caused by your doubts and suspicions,
About my integrity, my honesty, my love for you.
If you could but see into my heart,
You would see that my heart is pure.
And if you looked closely, you would realize
It is so full of love for you,
There is no room for anyone but you.
If you could but see into my soul
You would see, without you, my soul is not whole.
Without you – it was but half - empty, incomplete.
You would find assurance, and truth, for you posses
the missing portion of my heart and my soul.
©Copyright 2006
SLG
All rights reserved. No further use,
reproduction, or distribution in any form,
including print, electronic or otherwise, may bemade without the express permission of the author
When you look into my eyes,
I know that you can’t help but see
my love for you reflected there.
But can you not see the pureness, the depth,
breadth, or intensity of my love for you?
Occasionally you look into my eyes,
you can see pain, that sears my soul,
pain so overwhelming so all-consuming.
Pain caused by your doubts and suspicions,
About my integrity, my honesty, my love for you.
If you could but see into my heart,
You would see that my heart is pure.
And if you looked closely, you would realize
It is so full of love for you,
There is no room for anyone but you.
If you could but see into my soul
You would see, without you, my soul is not whole.
Without you – it was but half - empty, incomplete.
You would find assurance, and truth, for you posses
the missing portion of my heart and my soul.
©Copyright 2006
SLG
All rights reserved. No further use,
reproduction, or distribution in any form,
including print, electronic or otherwise, may bemade without the express permission of the author
Deep WIthin
His plans and dreams are unfulfilled,
he says I’m not what he needs.
He feels the need to be on his way
and I vow I’ll not beg or plead.
He said he’ll give “us” one more try
and acts like things are fine
But I know down deep within my heart
he’s only marking time.
He has to know that I’m aware
he doesn’t plan to stay
Action speak louder than words
so he doesn’t have to say
I try not to let him see the tears,
the pain and the despair.
I try to stay upbeat and cheerful
and act like he still cares.
I show him love and affection,
and steal kisses when I can.
But sometimes his cool demeanor
is more than I can stand.
I listen to his comments closely
looking for any sign or clue
For I want to be prepared the day
he finally says we’re through
Until that day, I’ll try not to dwell
on all my pain and fears
I’ll show him all the love and support
and he’ll not see any tears.
I hope one day he’ll look back
with warm thoughts and a smile,
for the total and unconditional love
that I gave him for a while.
he says I’m not what he needs.
He feels the need to be on his way
and I vow I’ll not beg or plead.
He said he’ll give “us” one more try
and acts like things are fine
But I know down deep within my heart
he’s only marking time.
He has to know that I’m aware
he doesn’t plan to stay
Action speak louder than words
so he doesn’t have to say
I try not to let him see the tears,
the pain and the despair.
I try to stay upbeat and cheerful
and act like he still cares.
I show him love and affection,
and steal kisses when I can.
But sometimes his cool demeanor
is more than I can stand.
I listen to his comments closely
looking for any sign or clue
For I want to be prepared the day
he finally says we’re through
Until that day, I’ll try not to dwell
on all my pain and fears
I’ll show him all the love and support
and he’ll not see any tears.
I hope one day he’ll look back
with warm thoughts and a smile,
for the total and unconditional love
that I gave him for a while.
©Copyright 2007
SLG
All rights reserved. No further use,
reproduction, or distribution in any form,
including print, electronic or otherwise, may bemade without the express permission of the author
SLG
All rights reserved. No further use,
reproduction, or distribution in any form,
including print, electronic or otherwise, may bemade without the express permission of the author
Your Eternally
I dreamt of you last night,
While deep in sweet repose
I felt the warmth of your embrace,
the sweetness of your lips upon mine,
the passion only you can ignite.
We made sweet, passionate love
the type of love that only those,
who have known total,
unconditional love can achieve.
Again, for a short time, we were one,
one spirit, one heart, one soul.
As you faded from my dream,
you whispered “One day.”
So I await that day, when once again,
we will be reunited as one.
Whether it be in this life time
Or the next, I will wait for you.
Yours eternally,
SLG
While deep in sweet repose
I felt the warmth of your embrace,
the sweetness of your lips upon mine,
the passion only you can ignite.
We made sweet, passionate love
the type of love that only those,
who have known total,
unconditional love can achieve.
Again, for a short time, we were one,
one spirit, one heart, one soul.
As you faded from my dream,
you whispered “One day.”
So I await that day, when once again,
we will be reunited as one.
Whether it be in this life time
Or the next, I will wait for you.
Yours eternally,
SLG
©Copyright 2001
SLG
All rights reserved. No further use,
reproduction, or distribution in any form,
including print, electronic or otherwise, may bemade without the express permission of the author
SLG
All rights reserved. No further use,
reproduction, or distribution in any form,
including print, electronic or otherwise, may bemade without the express permission of the author
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